Another year, another twelve blog posts and I think I have finally solved the mystery of work balance... again.
A recurring theme in this blog has been relaxation and my constant search of it. When I lived alone, I used to waste my evenings just pottering around my flat, tidying things away and doing jobs that didn't need doing. If you asked me what I did in the evenings, I couldn't tell you. My evenings were swallowed up with doing nothing and it was only when I started practicing relaxation that I began to take them back.
I did that by setting myself a time in which to get all the little jobs done that had caught my attention whilst I was eating my dinner, jobs like putting things away, doing the washing up, laundry and then before my timer ran out I would also have a shower and make a cup of tea so that I was ready to sit down to an activity that I had planned for the evening when that timer went off.
It might seem like overkill, but I was becoming increasingly aware that the evenings I wasted by pottering around were not actually relaxing. I realised that while I was reorganising drawers or sewing lost buttons back onto shirts, I wasn't actually switching off my brain and the following day I would wake up still feeling tired.
After practicing my new routine of setting a timer and forcing myself to do something relaxing (ironic, I know), it began to feel less forced and I gradually got better at using my evenings to recharge my batteries. Nowadays, I think I'm pretty normal when it comes to relaxing in the evenings, at least compared to how I used to be, but there's been another tool that has helped with that as well.
This year I have started doing a monthly life scan, where I give the key areas of my life a score out of 10. These areas include physical health, mental health, worklife balance, diet, relaxation, hobbies and several more. When I consider how I am feeling on the whole, it's easy to give my general wellbeing a score out of 10, but without breaking down the areas that mean most to me, I couldn't actually tell you why I'm only feeling a 7 out of 10 and not a 9 or a 10. That feeling of meh is a familiar one, but without looking closer, I don't always know what's causing it.
Since starting the life scans, I have realised that the lowest scoring areas of my life are always hobbies and relaxation. Not surprising given my history but seeing it on paper has made me want to improve these areas even more than usual. What surprised me recently was that in the month that I had to take more than a week off work due to illness, I scored my work-life balance higher than ever before- doh! The sheer run-down-ness that I felt in November was a real wake up call that I had been neglecting my rest again. I felt like I hadn't stopped all year and I was paying the price. And while not working comes with a literal price (as a dog walker, if I don't walk the dogs, I don't get paid) spending a week at home properly resting did me a world of good and reminded me how important it is to rest and that there's more to working for yourself than just earning as much money as possible.
As for improving the areas of hobbies and relaxation, Watson and I have been trying to carve out time for our hobbies ever since I moved in with him three months ago. I don't know about him, but I've definitely been falling into the trap of "we'll do that when..." and in this instance, we've been putting off painting the miniatures for one of our board games until we had a designated area of the flat in which to have a painting station. But here's the thing - we're never going to have a designated area, because our flat simply isn't big enough. We have a couple of shelves of a bookcase where we're keeping the paints and brushes and that's good enough so we finally picked an evening where we got the brushes out and started painting. After that first evening of dedicated hobby time, I immediately felt an improvement in my overall wellbeing, because now I had something to look forward to. I enjoyed that evening so much that I spent the following days thinking about when we could do it again.
I have a theory that the joys our hobbies bring us, benefit us not only in the moment that we're doing them, but also in the days that follow as we look back and again in the days leading up to the next time we dive in. I think this is why hobbies are so important; I believe they have a curative effect on the stress of everyday life and also a preventative one too.
This is how I stumbled upon the key to worklife balance: plan something fun to do in the evening that you can look forward to during your work day.
It doesn't have to be something elaborate or expensive, it can be as simple as planning a movie night, but making a plan and sticking to it so that you have it to look forward to is the key. This reminds of the saying "you can't give from an empty cup". I still sometimes struggle with a feeling of guilt when I put myself first but with something like a hobby, that somehow feels less guilt-ridden and it reminds me how true that saying is. I'm a happier person when I've spent time doing something I enjoy and that makes me nicer to be around, more willing to help others and more able to help others because I feel energised instead of depleted.
Which brings me to my next point. We've covered the art of relaxing, the importance of hobbies, work-life balance and filling your cup but there's one more thing I want to cover in this December round up and that is the idea that time flies when you're not paying attention.
Several times this year, people have said to me "I can't believe it's - insert month here - already. This year has flown by!" We've all been there and know that feeling but this year I haven't been able to agree with them because this year hasn't flown by for me. Each month has felt 30 days long and every time someone said to me "I can't believe it's already August. Where did July go?" I thought "No, August feels about right! I feel as though I've lived seven months pf this year already." More recently and with the end of the year drawing closer, I've found myself looking back at where I was this time last year and the year before and five years before that and this is where I've really felt the length of the last year, but in a good way.
When I look back to where I was five years ago, I can't believe how much has changed but again, the first two years of that were a blur of routine and boredom. The last three years however, have been the fullest, most exciting and most lived of my entire life. From ending a ten-year relationship and moving out, living with a friend, getting my own place and living alone for the first time in my life, dating, meeting Watson and starting a new relationship, not to mention growing my business and making it work for me so that I could be entirely financially independent, all while continually working on myself, my mindset, my habits and beliefs, the past 36 months have been amazing and I feel as though I've been present for all of them. Time no longer feels as though it's passing me by and I'm living a fuller life than I ever have done before. And whilst I'm excited for what the future holds, I'm no longer desperate to get there because I'm so happy with what my life looks like here and now. As someone who spent the first 28 years of her life looking forward to the next milestone, it feels like a blessing to finally be happy with where I am now.
I was listening to a podcast earlier this year and the way in which people say things like "how is it Friday already? Where has the time gone?" came up. The guest said that when you live a month of your life, by the end of it, you don't remember the whole month because you're not actively making memories every second of every day. If we did, we'd all be exhausted. I knew exactly what he meant because I was living that very experience and could see and feel the marked difference between a life half-lived and a life well-lived. They were talking about presence and about how when you are present in a moment, you make a lasting memory of it and that is the big difference between my life today and my life five years ago. Since ending that relationship and turning my whole life around, I have been more present and as a result, I feel as though I've really lived the last three years. The highs have been higher, the lows have been lower, and everything has felt more vivid. Not feeling as though the weeks are whizzing by gives me a greater feeling of agency over my life. I feel more in control of where I'm going and what I'm doing and now that I'm finally recharging my batteries more often and making time for hobbies, the memories I'm creating are richer too. All this adds up to feeling more present in my life and less like I'm just going along for the ride. I'm excited for the future I'm going to create because I truly believe now that I'm the one who's going to create it.
I see now that there is no time like the present because time flies when you're not paying attention. Time slows down and you have more of it when you are intentional with how you spend it. When you take a moment to stop and look at the moment you are in, it feels as though time has slowed and the more often you do that, the longer your days, weeks, months and even years feel.
I realised this more clearly a couple of weeks ago when Watson's parents came to visit. In the space of 10 days we had dinner planned on the Wednesday, Christmas lights on the Friday, Christmas dinner on the Saturday, the cinema the following Wednesday and a table booked at a board game cafe on the Friday. We had more in our diaries than usual and having thing after thing after thing to look forward to was epic. It's not sustainable for us to live at that pace, but for a short time, it was brilliant fun. We needed some downtime at home after those busy days but having so many lovely things to do has made December feel twice as long as it usual does and that is a lesson I'm keen to take into next year with me.
When you have something in your diary to look forward to, like a holiday, it's normal to look forward to that thing. That's the point, looking forward, not being present. So if those things that you are looking forward to are spread too far apart or are too far in the future, you are skipping over whole weeks and months at a time as you look forward to the next thing. On the one hand, having something big like that to look forward to is a good thing and quite often gives our lives a sense of direction but I would argue that an even better thing is to have lots of little things to look forward to every week if not every day. Just like with worklife balance, having lots of little things planned to look forward to makes your everyday life richer and your weeks fuller. Again, they don't have to be big things, just deliberate. A movie night at home, a planned walk somewhere pretty (this time of year, I love walking the dogs in the evening to see the Christmas lights), a game night. I know it sounds like I'm romantisicing the everyday but if you don't do it, no one else will do it for you.
2023 has been a funny year for me and has forced me to slow down and rest more than I initally wanted to, but I see now the importance of it. Now that I'm heading into the festive season with more energy than I have had all year (thanks to that extra week off in November), it's a feeling that I want to recapture again and again with my weeks off next year. Perhaps my one big resolution will be this: to take time off before I need it. Keep watching this space to see how well that turns out!
Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas holiday and hoping that you find moments of peace, love and joy in amongst all the chaos. I'll be back in the New Year with another year of overthinking, pondering and trying not to be a perfectionist. xoxo
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